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Are you too Emotionally Involved as a Parent?

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If your child is anxious do you find yourself anxious too? Do you get wrapped up in trying fix it, experiencing the same emotion until their emotion changes?  And then move onto their next emotion? It’s a roller coaster ride that you don’t want to be on – nor does your child need you to be.

If you generally feel as if whatever happens to your child has happened to you, this could indicate enmeshment, an unhealthy emotional relationship. This often takes place when a parent is so empathetic that it turns into crossed personal boundaries that are permeable and unclear. One consequence of this is that it prohibits the child from maturing emotionally and becoming independent. What can be a good thing quickly becomes “too much of a good thing” and ends up being harmful.

When a child is experiencing a difficult emotion, they simply need support and a healthy dose of empathy.  If the parent takes on the emotion themselves and is overly involved, it can put the child in an obligatory position to extend comfort to the parent.  It can create an emotionally unsafe and unstable environment for the child.  And it will stunt their growth. Children need their parents as a resource for emotional stability and security.  If they feel responsible for their parents well being then they cannot become developmentally independent and responsible for their own choices.

Parenting requires a fine balance of being emotionally empathetic, yet not enmeshed.  This is not the only type of relationship in which enmeshment takes place. It can happen in any relationship: Romantic, friendships, etc. Sometimes it takes the lens of a third party to help identify where the enmeshment begins and ends.  Innovation360 frequently helps families identify areas of unhealthy relational habits such as enmeshment and guides them in transforming those relationships into healthy interactions. This leads to better dynamics and more rewarding relationships.

Reach out to us for more information on how we can come alongside your family to help you go down the path towards a more fulfilling, healthier life.

Written by Jennifer Updike, Advocate Coordinator at i360

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Transitioning Home from Treatment

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Leaving a place of structure and security to head home into the great unknown can be quite daunting. Throughout your stay at a residential treatment program, you’ve been guarded from outside stressors and protected from triggers, but now you are transitioning home and familiarity is just waiting for you. Ideally, you are a new person but you are heading home to an old place, so what do you do to effectively adjust to living the full life you set yourself up for while you were away? How do you maintain sobriety once you are back home? How do you continue to cope with the things that used to send your anxiety through the roof? How do you deal with the things that always sent you spiraling into a deep depression?

What you may not realize is that after your extended stay at residential treatment, you are armed with so many tools! Think of it as your personal arsenal, it travels home with you so that as you face the challenges of adjusting to life outside of treatment, you can overcome. But the thing many people don’t realize is that once they leave, they need to continue to build upon the work they’ve already completed. You aren’t done. You aren’t cured. In fact, this is a lifelong journey that will have ups and downs, relapses and trials, and bumps along the way. Truth be told, transitioning home can be the hardest part of it all. At i360, we often come into the equation at this point. We work with people, join them for a time, and help them transition home successfully, keeping that momentum going strong! This is the part of the story when the rubber meets the road – all that work you did while you were away now needs to translate into behavior change in the midst of real, authentic living.

Once you leave a rehab program, there are some things you should focus on doing to carry those healthy behavior changes into your everyday world. You have the tools, now you need to use them. But the last thing you should do is attempt to continue your recovery journey on your own. At i360, as an outpatient mental health treatment program, we work with our clients to give the support they need so they can be successful in their journey. Here are the top five things we suggest doing to implement healthy changes upon transitioning home:

Add structure into your daily routine: We help our clients set up a schedule to follow day to day – when to get up, chores to be done, timeframes for exercise, attending AA, job searching, heading to work, exploring fun and hobbies, time for lights out, etc. Keeping to a normal routine reduces the chance of boredom which could lead to opportunities for relapse. Stay occupied, stay active.

Identify a support network: Once you return home, plug into outpatient groups like i360’s IOP, workshops, and DBT skills group. When we work with clients, we will often go with them to AA – going with a buddy helps eliminate some of that anxiety. But it’s key to have a support system around you when you have those difficult times, and also when you have good days and want to share that with others. Seek out a counselor, join a church, and stay away from old friends, places, and things that you associate with the past to prevent cravings from resurfacing.

Exercise and eat well: Take care of yourself! Hygiene is important, as is good sleep, eating habits, and exercise. Focusing on wellness is a major component of the work we do with clients. You are a healthy you when you take care of your whole self. And when you get the nutrition and sleep you need, you are armed to overcome triggers and challenges throughout your day.

Explore spirituality: Who are you going to lean on when you face difficult situations? How can you find a way to respect yourself and others? What do you believe is right and wrong? Get in touch with your moral compass, and let that be a guide to how you live from here on out.

Leave room for fun: When you take out a negative (substance abuse, anxiety, depression) you’re left with a void unless you fill it with a positive! With our i360 clients, we explore fun and hobbies, helping them figure out who they are and what they love once that negative is removed from their lives. Don’t sit inside and isolate yourself from the rest of the world, get out there and become who you are intended to be! Sign up for photography class, take cooking lessons, join a small group at Church, learn to pay tennis, do something to get outside yourself – like volunteering…The options are endless.

Remain dedicated to the mission as you integrate back into life – give it everything you’ve got! Just remember that going away to inpatient treatment doesn’t equate to a quick fix. Yes, you will have the tools you need, but that doesn’t count until you can implement them in the midst of life. By staying accountable to a daily schedule, identifying a support network, focusing on wellness, exploring spirituality, and leaving room for fun, you will be setting yourself up to succeed in translating insights into behavior when you come home. Reach out to us at i360 as you plan to transition home so we can support you in that.

Written by Lauren Barnett, i360 Marketing Director

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Mommies in Recovery

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Do women face different issues in addiction, treatment, and recovery than men? Absolutely. Women begin using for different reasons, metabolize alcohol differently than men, often progress more quickly, and recover differently as well. And when these women are mothers too, a whole new set of struggles arise. Getting sober may be the hardest thing a mother does, but once they gone down this beautiful path, they often discover that raising children in sobriety isn’t easy either.

There are many mothers out there recovering from addiction, repairing relationships with their families and kids, struggling to find balance, peace, and time for self-care. Mothers who have come to realize that they weren’t bad people, but that they were sick with the disease of alcoholism – alcoholism called the shots all those years. They’ve learned to reflect not on the mother they used to be, or wished they had been, but rather on the reminders of the mom they still get to be. Many moms in recovery struggle with guilt about letting their kids or families down. Learning to let go of this allows them to move on, and to become the parents they really want to be. With each additional day of sobriety, they can be a healthier model for their kids.

Women, and mothers, in recovery can benefit greatly from connecting to others who share similar stories. At i360, we host the aftercare program for Sierra Tucson Treatment Center. One of Sierra Tucson’s alumni has started a once-a-month event for mommies in recovery. Children definitely add a dynamic to recovery, and it is within this type of fellowship that additional growth, balance, and peace can be attained.  This is a group of sober women recovering from alcohol and drug addiction and raising kids. The desire is to offer fellowship with other mommies in recovery. Simple as that. Events are free and kids can join too.

For more info, check out the Recovery Mommies website here: http://www.recoverymommies.com/index.html

Blog written by Lauren Barnett, November of 2014.

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It doesn’t discriminate: Older Adults are Struggling with Substance Abuse

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Anyone at any age can have a drinking problem. At i360, we say it all the time – addiction does not discriminate. Not based on gender, on finances, on profession…and certainly not on age. In fact, families, friends, and healthcare workers often overlook concerns about older people drinking. We mistake alcohol abuse in older adults for other conditions related to aging – like a problem with balance. Furthermore, how the body handles alcohol changes with age. Your grandpa may have the same drinking habits, but his body has changed, as has the way he metabolizes the liquor.

It’s not just the liquor. It’s often the prescription medications that are being abused as well. Doctors may prescribe Ambien to help older adults sleep or anti-anxiety medications like Klonopin to help them cope with the loss of a loved one. When you couple that with cocktails, the equation can result in addiction. It can really be that innocent. And they don’t see it coming.

More older adults are struggling with substance abuse – it’s plain as day. We often see that they go through a major life event, like the death of their spouse or a close friend, loss of purpose or career, or even failing health, and that causes them to turn to substances to cope. Even with retirement, it can lead to drinking problems because of loneliness, boredom, and maybe even the onset of depression. We are finding that older adults often don’t posess the coping skills required to calm their anxiety through these major life events, so they turn to alcohol and other drugs.

The good news is that older adults are just as treatable – they aren’t hopeless! There is never a better time to get treatment than now. But we need to open our eyes to what is happening. This article states that around “2.8 million older adults in the United States meet the criteria for alcohol abuse, and this number is expected to reach 5.7 million by 2020.”  And while alcohol is generally the substance abused, the rate of illicit drug use among adults ages 50 to 64 increased from 2.7% in 2002 to 6% in 2013.  At i360, we believe that our duty to educate goes beyond just those that we see in treatment within our walls. These numbers are not headed in the right direction. But treatment works, and there is hope, and it just takes reaching out to begin the journey to a better, healthier “you”.  That’s what we do at i360, we work with people as young as 18 years old, and all the way up through ages 50, 60, 70, and 80 plus! We walk alongside our clients to help them put one foot in front of the other to overcome anxiety, addiction, and depression. There is hope and we can help you find it.

Written by Lauren Barnett, October 2014

Resource: The New York Times Article

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What’s Love Got To Do With It?

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Have you ever said to a loved one, “If you loved me, you wouldn’t keep drinking so much?” Or, “If you loved us, you would stop taking those pills like you do.”

When someone we love has a problem with drugs or alcohol, it is very difficult to understand how they could keep doing the hurtful things they do. But oftentimes we don’t even realize that the challenging, unloving behavior is directly connected to addiction. We may be in a state of denial and unaware of the drug and/or alcohol use, so the hurtful behavior translates to “they must not love me”. When we do realize that our loved one acts very differently when using substances, we can’t help but think that surely if they loved us, they would stop. When they don’t,  even after promising to stop multiple times, we simply feel that we are unloved and it is extremely hurtful.

As a counselor, I worked with young children of alcoholics/addicts for many years. Children often expressed that their mom, dad or sibling must not love them because of the mean things they said or did. The Betty Ford Five Star Kids Program which i360 hosts helps the children learn that love doesn’t have anything to do with it. Addiction is a disease. And through this program, the children’s staff use a clever story to help get this point across.

“There is a mama bear living in the woods with her cubs. They are getting really hungry, so she goes out of their den to find food for them. As she looks for berries and other bear food, she sees something silver shining through some leaves on the ground. She has heard stories about the silver thing and was always told to stay away, but she is so curious. She approaches it and paws at it. Nothing happens. She paws at it again, and WHAM!! Giant, sharp teeth tear into her leg and the mama bear howls in pain! What was it? A bear trap! ‘Kids, when the mama bear got trapped, was she thinking about her cubs? NO! All she could think about was the pain and how to get out of it. But, did she still love her cubs? Of course she did! When your parents get trapped by addiction, they still love you very much, but they are totally focused on the trap and how to feel better and get away from it. When she finally yells HELP, someone comes to help her get free, but she has to ask for help first.”

The children seem to grasp this concept and feel relieved when they hear this story, along with all of the other wonderful education and support they receive in the program. The children leave the program with a reduction in the shame they’ve carried and an understanding that addiction is a disease, and most importantly,that it is not the child’s fault.

Innovation360 hosts this amazing program quarterly and any child between the ages of 7 and 12 who loves someone who drinks too much or takes drugs qualifies. It is non-profit, so scholarships are available if the $400.00 fee is unaffordable. You can reach the program by calling 972-753-0552 or by going to www.fivestarkids.com.

The symptoms of addiction are lying, manipulating, denying, blaming, minimizing, projecting, etc. So, yes, it is very difficult not to take our loved one’s actions personally. The best thing family members can do is to get their own support and education about addiction. Innovation360 offers a parent support, counseling, Healing Starts at Home family program, and other services. These programs help reinforce the message that the addict or alcoholic cannot show consistent love when in the grasp of the disease. If they receive help and find recovery, it often becomes clear that they still love you as they learn to love themselves again.

Blog written by Pam Newton, M.S., LCDC – [email protected]

 

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Determining the Diagnosis: Are You Addicted to Technology?

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Let’s not even mention the way it affects your personal well-being and life balance. We won’t talk about how it distracts you from investing in self care and personal responsibilities. Or go into detail about how it robs your relationships of quality time and depth. When it comes to excessive technology use, studies are showing that it truly affects people in a way that is entirely too similar to drug addictions. It not only impacts people’s lives and their relationships in similar ways, but also the brain.

Deeper things are happening in the brain when we overload on technology. Some of the brain’s impacted areas are those that provide the ability to emotionally connect, plan, organize, and get things done. Research has also revealed that dopamine is released in the brain while using certain forms of technology – which creates similar changes in the brain as drug use. This dopamine release can lead to similar patterns that an alcoholic experiences – craving, addiction, and withdrawal.  When you think about it, an addict or alcoholic prioritizes the drug of choose above all else. Above relationships, work, family, health, and even above their own well-being. They will continue to “use” despite harm, attempt to scale back without success, spend way too much time thinking about getting their hands on it, and need more to get the same “high”…The crazy thing is, these scenarios apply in a similar way to the person who excessively uses technology. Scary stuff, right?

How do you know if you are suffering from addiction to technology? Here are some specific questions to help you identify if it’s time to scale back and make some changes for the health of your own life and the relationships around you.

1. Do you often feel preoccupied with the Internet? Maybe you go into a meeting at a work and after an hour you just can’t wait to log in to Twitter. Maybe you find yourself perusing the web during dinner. If you are constantly thinking about previous online activity or anticipating your next Facebook session, this could be a sign of trouble.

2. Do you feel the need to use the Internet with increasing amounts of time in order to achieve satisfaction? Maybe what once was logging in to check Facebook once a day has become hours of time spent online. This happens with addiction – addicts may find themselves needing 4 or maybe 5 times as much alcohol to get that same euphoria they’d get after only a few drinks a year ago.

3. Have you repeatedly made unsuccessful efforts to control, cut back, or stop your Internet use? Maybe you have tried the trick where you put your phone in the back of the car to avoid use at stop lights – but you just can’t get enough. It just sucks you in. . .

4. Do you feel restless, moody, depressed, or irritable when attempting to cut down or stop Internet use? You just can’t wait to refresh, to check your email, to browse Facebook, and you can’t stand being disconnected for too long. Sounds like withdrawal symptoms for the drug user, right?

5. Do you stay online longer than originally intended? You look at your watch and all of a sudden three hours have flown by. And you didn’t get done the errands you needed to do. You didn’t go workout. You didn’t call your dad back. You’re running late to work.

6. Have you jeopardized or risked the loss of a significant relationship, job, educational or career opportunity because of the Internet? This might sound far-fetched but it happens. You miss a deadline at work because you’ve spent too much time online, on Facebook, on Twitter – it’s eaten up the good half of your day and now your presentation won’t be finished. Or it won’t be finished well. Your work is suffering.

7. Have you lied to family members, a therapist, or others to conceal the extent of your involvement with the Internet? You may have made up a story about what you were doing that took up your time and made you unable to go to social functions or spend time with family and friends. And that story didn’t involve technology, gaming, the Internet.

8. Do you use the Internet as a way of escaping from problems or of relieving a dysphoric mood (e.g., feelings of helplessness, guilt, anxiety, depression)? You may find that you don’t need to think about the situations in your life that are causing you grief, you just get to unplug and relax. But soon you have to go back to reality, right? What then?

Addicts neglect family, work, studies, social relationships, and themselves. An addiction to technology is a mind-altering obsession that can be found due to excessive use of video games, iPods, YouTube, facebook, and other evolving communication applications. At Innovation360 we provide help for this kind of addiction, and many other addictions and life struggles, in order to help people find more joy-filled lives. If you believe you are struggling with technology addiction, then this is a place where you can find your way back to a healthy, well-balanced life.

Written by Jennifer Updike, October 2014

Resources:

Psychology Today Article

Psychology Today Article

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Why Parents Need to Let Their Children Fail

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A fellow therapist and I spoke to a group of about 50 people at the Adolescent Symposium of Texas this past February on the topic of “Failure to Launch.” It’s a term I’m hesitant to use as a stand alone because usually the first thing that comes to mind is the movie with Matthew McConaughey as a 30+ year old living in his parent’s spare bedroom. There is a kernel of truth in the movie as far as painting the picture of what not launching looks like, but there are deeper common factors that prevent a person from gaining independence and embracing the fullness of adulthood. Unfortunately, the cure isn’t just a dating relationship.

The teacher who writes this article certainly gives a good perspective of what failure to launch looks like from the vantage point of a teacher. She sees the beginnings of what’s happening when the 6th, 7th, and 8th graders aren’t allowed to fail. The article describes overparenting as being “characterized as parents’ misguided attempt to improve their child’s current and future personal and academic success.” The overparented children are simply being set up to lack the emotional resources needed to get through the inevitable failures and setbacks later in life. They are not being allowed to fail and learn from their mistakes or experience the educational benefit that consequences provide.

As clinicians, we don’t expect you to let your child fall on their face repeatedly while you watch, but we also don’t expect you to place a pillow under them every time they might appear to be tripping. Neither of these extremes will lead to what we like to think of as a fully emerged adult. Extreme levels of parental protection can actually be quite counterproductive.  But no parent will ever be perfect, so I’ll go ahead and release you from that burden. I’d encourage you to read the article, reflect upon your parenting style, and see if you are one who justifies doing your child’s school work for them. Are you overly responsive to the perceived needs of your children, or are you giving them a chance to address their own problems? It’s not only math and science that children are learning in this stage of life, but also responsibility, consequences, independence, and foresight.

If you or a loved one have a child that meets the description for “failing to launch,” please contact Innovation360. We’d love to work with them toward establishing a healthy, productive, and structured lifestyle with failures and successes that will boost their confidence in regards to what the future may hold.

Written by Danielle Fermier, LPC

Article reference from The Atlantic, by JESSICA LAHEY 

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The 10 Worst Things You Can Say to Hurting People

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It happens all the time. Maybe it happened to you at church. Or at work. Or school. Or maybe it even happened to you in the WalMart check out line. During a time of hurt and pain, someone tried to reach out to you in comfort. But instead of hurting with you, they unintentionally said something incredibly hurtful to you.

Perhaps you had just lost a loved one, had a miscarriage, or informed someone about a struggle you had with an eating disorder or a particular fear. Maybe your soul was aching, and you needed someone to love you well. And in your time of need, the person you told dropped the ball. They used the moment as a teaching opportunity…a chance to bless you with their powerful and wondrous wisdom, when instead they could have used the moment to connect with and encourage you. And chances are, you have also done the exact same thing to others. Or even worse…you’ve said the following things to yourself.

The following list contains 10 common statements that can be incredibly hurtful, dismissive, and invalidating while walking through dark times with friends, loved ones, spouses, or especially those struggling with addiction. Some of these statements might be true, but they are rarely ever helpful to say during difficult times.

1.“Everything happens for a reason…” How narcissistic of you to purport that you are certain there is a reason “why” something horrible just happened. Perhaps you feel the need to make sense of all the bad things that have happened in your life by believing that a higher power arbitrarily causes pain and suffering for random reasons that you will never know. While this view might comfort you and help you sleep at night, it can sound cold and unfeeling to a hurting person who needs you to be present with them. Your grandiose theology is not needed.

But, let’s assume hypothetically that everything does happen for a reason. Saying the phrase won’t magically make a hurting person feel better! Hypothesizing a reason for pain is an attempt at ignoring the feelings you feel. It is a way to put a positive spin on something that isn’t positive at all. Perhaps years later you might find some good that came from a bad situation, but conveying this to a hurting person won’t lessen their hurt in the moment.

2. “It could be a lot worse…” Most of you would never say this to someone else…but you say it to yourself all the time. By doing so, you devalue your pain and your self worth, as if your pain somehow matters less because you aren’t homeless or starving. You would never tell a friend, “Get over it. It could be a lot worse!” But you say it to yourself.

Treating yourself this way puts you at huge risk. You may constantly help and take care of others, when you should also be caring for yourself. Neglecting to care for yourself causes you to bottle up your frustration and pain, believing that you don’t have the right to feel sad. Bottling these feelings up eventually leads to “emotional explosions,” or seemingly random angry outbursts, high and overwhelming feelings of stress, or moments of intense weeping and sorrow.  Take care of yourself emotionally by finding safe people with whom you can regularly communicate your brokenness.

3. “I’ll be praying for you…” Disclaimer: While there is nothing intrinsically wrong saying this, it can be used as an “emotional stiff arm.” You might as well say, “I can’t handle being sad with you right now, but I might spend a small portion of some future day praying for you…when it’s convenient for me.” Saying this in the Bible Belt is often much like saying “See you later!” or “Have a great day!” And how much time do you actually spend praying for someone after saying you would?

4. “I know what you’re going through…” or “I’ve been there before…” Many people think that saying these phrases will connect them to others, but it often alienates them from others. While you may think you had a similar experience, you will never know what it’s like to be someone else or what they are feeling. Every person’s pain is uniquely bitter to them. To purport that you have felt what a loved one has felt severely minimizes their pain. While their are times when people with similar experiences can bond through sharing their stories, making presumptuous statements about knowing how they feel can be incredibly dangerous.

5. “Give it over to God…” or “Let go and let God…” This is one of the worst phrases you can say to someone struggling with addiction. Most alcoholics have unsuccessfully tried time and time again to give their addiction over to God but simply can’t. These phrases assume that there is a magic formula or action that will somehow transfer their frustration and hurt to God and that they will no longer be haunted by their choices. Addiction isn’t an old TV you can give away at a garage sale.

6. “You should do this…” or “Have you tried…?” During times of intense pain, our loved ones rarely want or need us to “fix” their problems or offer solutions that they are clearly intelligent enough to think of on their own. It can be highly insulting to make comments that assume your spouse is an idiot who is incapable of generating logical options about what to do. When you feel that light bulb turn on and think you might have the most amazing idea of the century, just be quiet and present with the pain and anguish. It is so much more meaningful to sit in tough emotions with someone rather than throwing out intellectual “quick fixes.” Your ideas might be Einstein like, but not necessarily helpful in times of pain.

7. “Everything will be OK…” or “It will all work out…” Thanks for your omniscient prophecy Nostradamus. Spouting off ridiculous one liners like this assumes that your listener is an utter moron who has obviously temporarily lost the common sense to know that things will be OK. In many of our darkest times, we know that we will eventually “be” OK, but we don’t “feel” OK in moments of pain.

8. “Stay strong…” or “Keep your head up…” Common phrases used by men who have no clue what to do with their own feelings or sorrow. They often see their friends hurting and rather than sitting with them in their pain and silence, they make blanket statements hoping to alleviate that pain. But there really are no magical words to make pain go away. Perhaps the last thing your friend needs is to “be strong.” Maybe your friend desperately needs permission to “be weak.”

9. Saying nothing at all. Perhaps you carry the false belief that acknowledging someone’s difficult situation might burden them further or that saying nothing will make the situation less painful. Nothing could be further from the truth. Asking questions about what your loved one uniquely needs from you is always a safe way to show that you want to be intentional and helpful in any way you can. Get curious!

10. Making jokes. Slow down funny guy. While humor can help in some situations, people don’t necessarily need to be “cheered up.” Using humor can severely wound others by refusing to acknowledge the hurt in the room. Every joke can feel like a knife, being pushed deeper and deeper into a gushing wound that needs healing.

Being present in the painful moments with your loved one is an invaluable way of relating to them in their grief. We might never have the right words, and it’s okay to say just that. Be supportive, without offering ‘fix-it’ ideas. Don’t put a timeline on their grieving period, and simply recognize their loss or pain. Extend a bit of comfort, show that you have not forgotten, and show that you care.

Written By Doug Chisholm, LPC

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Reassessing your Big Gulp!

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“I don’t drink. No, really, no hard liquor for me! I’m clean! …Oh, you mean beer? Well I drink beer every night.” Believe me, we hear that all the time. “I only have a couple of glasses of wine a night!” Seems innocent. Until you realize that when she pours herself some wine, her glass is full to the brim! “I only drink on the weekends.” Ok, fine. But on the weekend, he is getting so drunk that he blacks out and can’t remember a thing! Healthy? I think not!

At Innovation360, we encourage the act of “rethinking your drinking”.  Do you know what constitutes a “standard” glass of wine or cocktail? And how many standard drinks are in a container? For instance, when you think you’re drinking just a couple of beers at dinner, but those beers are 16oz bottles, those each actually contain 1.3 drinks. Check out this table below from Rethinking Drinking: NIAA which is based on how much pure alcohol is in a beverage:


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I came across this article from USA TODAY and it reminded me that often, we are just uneducated on how much we are actually drinking. This articles talks specifically about how wine drinkers pour more than they realize, but we shouldn’t stop with wine. When poured in another glass, malt liquor, brandy, hard liquor, and spirits generally fool people when it comes to how much they are drinking. And that’s important to know when you are assessing your alcohol intake. You need to know how many drinks you are having in any given day and over the course of the week, and if you don’t realize you are actually pouring a drink and half each time you fill your glass, that is going to spiral into a big problem quickly! Knowing how much you drink is critical.

I encourage you to play around on this website to educate yourself on alcohol and your health. It is a great tool for discovering what your drinking patterns are and how risky they may be. What it really comes down to is whether your habits are harmful or not. Are you damaging relationships because of your drinking? Are you missing out on other things that bring you joy? Are other areas in your life suffering because of your drinking? Are you prioritizing drinking and obtaining alcohol over other, healthier opportunities?  If you or a loved one is struggling with alcohol or drug use, reach out. There isn’t a moment to waste! We are here to help guide you in the right direction – towards a better, healthier, joy-filled life.

Written by Lauren Barnett, Marketing Director

Resources: USA TODAY, Sharyn Jackson, The Des Moines Register4:47 p.m. EDT September 30, 2013 – Wine Drinkers Often Overpour, Study Says.

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Are you a Cell Phone Addict?

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I get it. We are in 2015 and I haven’t met one person without a smart phone. I now see children getting their own cell phones at a younger age than I’ve ever seen before. My generation certainly didn’t get their own phone at the age of ten!  Many parents feel that is it a necessity once they start attending school all day, as if the school system that has been in place for a very long time is incapable of watching over the child. I laugh at the insanity of giving the responsibility of a cell phone to a child who needs help tying their shoes.

Then you have your average working person who relies on emailing and text messaging as a work tool on a daily basis. And there are those folks that are constantly reassured by repetitive finger swiping and button pushing all day long.  At restaurants I always notice those people that are waiting on a buddy to show up and to pass time they feel the need to get out their iphone because God forbid they be caught looking around and taking in the scene! And hey what about you? Do you find that you are perpetually checking emails and Facebook all throughout the day? Maybe you even get excited when your phone buzzes, demanding your attention and constant connectivity…There has to be balance though, just like with anything in your life. So what does that line look like and where do you place yourself when it comes to cell phone addiction and attachment?

Ask yourself these 6 questions to determine if you are crossing the line and heading towards addiction:

  • Does your cell phone prevent you from engaging face to face with the ones you love? I know alot of people that seem to prefer to busily bury their noses in their phones rather than to take the opportunity to visit with their spouses or friends, even when those friends and family are in the same room or sitting at the same table. At dinner last week I looked over to see a group of college aged girls all sitting together each with their faces lit up by their smart phones, seeking digital connection rather than sharing conversations with those they were with!
  • Has it left you lonely by creating a false sense of reality through social media? It really doesn’t matter that you have 1,000 ‘friends’ on Facebook. Or that 400 people follow you on Twitter. Because when push comes to shove, how many of those people will actually offer that shoulder to cry on, that free ride to airport, words of encouragement when you’re in need? But if your ‘scene’ is online, and your conversations are held via texts and Facebook, maybe you should pay attention to this word addiction.
  • Has it become the way you cope with negative or positive feelings? I wonder how then is that person who uses drugs and alcohol to cope so different from you? If you have a void in your life and are filling it with social media or spending your time rooting around your digital backyard for elusive bits of highly valued treasure to make yourself feel better, how is that so drastically different from the alcoholic who finds that booze helps with coping with the anxiety or depression? My hope is that your phone’s not an escape route but I ask because I’ve seen it happen.
  • Are you able to control when you use it, how much or how long you use it, where you do it, and with whom you do it? Can you put the phone away in a drawer for even an hour and not worry about what you might be missing out on? Would that cause you too much anxiety? Or do you always know where your phone is and have it within reach?
  • Can you fathom going to bed and waking up without looking at your cell phone first? Or maybe you are one that can exercise self control, moderation, and restraint…Like at dinner – do you compromise social etiquette by checking your phone constantly? I’d challenge you to put it away when it comes to outings with friends and family, dinner table time, and periodically throughout the day no matter what you are up to!
  • Are you able to leave your phone turned off while driving? Because otherwise you are compromising your own health! And that sounds like what any therapist would say to an alcoholic – you aren’t being safe quite frankly, and even putting others in danger through your own actions.

Using your cell phone on a daily basis can lead to a slippery slope. I bet if you took a brain scan of someone who is constantly connected, you would see a surge of dopamine, a pleasure-seeking chemical that drives us towards addictive behaviors, each time they got a new notification. Compare that to sex addiction or a gambling addiction. It stimulates the same part of the brain that rewards your body.

You must be disciplined and mindful of your time when you are around others.  It can steal opportunities to connect with friends and family that may never come back around. In some ways it is oppressive to think that we can be slaves to our phones. Being present takes work. Listening without thinking about a new text or email is difficult for those who find themselves constantly seeking to connect on some level. It leaves gaps in your current romantic life if you feel like your spouse finds the phone more important than being intimate with you, knowing fully that is not their intention but it is their action that speaks volumes. I could go on and on about the negative balance of cell phone use but I wont. I’m going to end by encouraging you to connect on a much deeper level with the one you love today and turn it off. See what happens.

Written by Kayla Proffitt, Life Development at Innovation360